Maybe you have heard this word online or in a conversation, but you don’t fully understand it. Be aromantic (or aromantic/a/e) means that a person does not experience romantic attraction to other people or feels it in a very different way than society describes it.
Some aromantics may feel sexual, aesthetic or platonic attraction, but not romantic. Others don’t feel any. Each story is unique.
Breaking myths: they are not “loveless” people
One of the great myths is that aromantic people “don’t love.” Nothing further. Romantic love is just one of the many ways to love. Aromantics can have deep bonds with friends, chosen family, pets, communities and themselves.
Being aromantic is not being incomplete. It is simply living love from another place.
Testimonies that humanize aromanticism
Alex, 27 years old, non-binary
“I always thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t feel butterflies. I liked the idea of having sex or sharing activities, but the idea of being someone’s partner was overwhelming. Discovering the word aromantique gave me peace.”
Irene, 33 years old, heterosexual aromantic woman
“I went out with several guys and they all ended up telling me that I seemed distant. I didn’t understand why. I like guys, but I don’t have that romantic connection. It makes me happy to have close friends and my dog.”
How do you know if you are aromantic?
There is no official test. But some questions you could ask yourself are:
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Do I feel uncomfortable when someone expresses romantic feelings to me?
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Is it difficult for me to differentiate sexual, aesthetic or platonic attraction from romantic attraction?
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Have I never felt “butterflies” or falling in love as people describe it?
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Am I more interested in the idea of a relationship for companionship or social expectations than for actual desire?
You don’t have to fit into all of them. There is no closed checklist. Only you know how you live.
Differences with asexuality
Although sometimes they are confused, aromanticism and asexuality are not the same.
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Asexuality: not feel sexual attraction.
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Aromanticism: not feeling romantic attraction.
A person can be aromantic (aromantic and asexual), aromantic only, asexual only, or neither. There are as many nuances as there are people.
Types and nuances within the aromatic spectrum
Like everything in life, it is not black or white. Within aromanticism there are nuances such as:
- Grisromántique: You feel romantic attraction very rarely or under specific circumstances.
- Demiromantic: You need a strong emotional bond to feel romantic attraction.
- Recipromantique: You only feel romantic attraction if you know that the other person also feels the same way.
These terms are not mandatory labels, but words to understand each other better.
Break the romantic myth or create another norm?
Some activists point out that, although aromanticism breaks the myth of romantic love as the only valid love, there is also the risk of generating another closed norm. Can we recognize that love is diverse and fluid, without needing to pigeonhole it? How to accompany aromantic people without questioning them, but also without defining them only by what they do not feel?
How to support aromantic people in your life
✔️ Don’t assume they want a partner.
✔️ Don’t see them as incomplete or traumatized.
✔️ Respect their emotional and personal limits.
✔️ Celebrate your other forms of love: friendships, community, art, nature.
✔️ Find out and listen before giving your opinion.
Being aromantic is as valid as any other orientation or experience. It reminds us that love does not fit in a single box, not even in the golden box of romance that they sell us in movies. Each unit is a world of affection, and everyone deserves respect and recognition.
